Monday, October 26, 2009

what do i even try? goshhh

Blah- this feels kinda shitty, to try to reach out to someone, in this case, an ex. And seriously get nothing back for no reason, I don't get it, I'm married-it'd take the pressure off, right? UGHHHH its so frustrating. all i want is to be friends and i can't even get that, doubtful if it'll ever happen. but i have to remember to cherish what i have now- not then. he saved me, he loves me, we're all each other has...
i just miss the memories and the pictures and the friend i once had.:( i love that letter and the song, makes me feel really wanted again, it just feels old and different... makes me wanna cry but i can't and i feel like i can't talk to Sean about it, because its an ex situation.... gosh i hate this. i hope Amanda turns him around. I'd really like if that happened.

- but don't we all know, nothing is perfect, not even in "fairy-tales"....................
mood: bummed and sad, reminiscing... BLAH!
<3>

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

the fairytale & they lived happily ever after

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We met through Ashley Trickel- one rainy day afternoon when I was sick of my ex and wanted to get out and have a girls day:) So Ashley brought along Sean, , and Ashley's bf Paul was coming too. We decided to go to Powell's Books downtown, Ashley had to get a few things and I figured I could too or at least spend time with Sean and flirt a little. I started to talk to Sean and walk around alone with him and tell Ashley that I was interested in him. So after Powell's we came back to my place but by that time it was later and we ate at McDonalds by the dorms. When we walked into McDonalds'- I couldn't think of anything except how bad I wanted Sean, seriously. So I accidentally blurted out how I wanted to take him home and show him the time of his life or something like that, then stupidly realized that I said it out loud and turned bright red, laughed my butt off then was throughly embarrassed. We talked alone and laughed our asses off over Ashley and Paul's undisguised attempt to leave us alone for a smoke break:) So then after an offer or your place or mine, I decided to stay home after I knew I had school the next day:( Had I gone that night, sadly I think it would have turned to a one night stand, I wouldn't have wanted a real relationship. After all, I was ending another one at the same time. But a few days later it did turn out, we hung out and talked all day and after a day or so i found myself falling faster than I ever have before, never wanting him to leave my side and talking all night until I dropped the phone from exhaustion.

We dated an excellent 9 months before I honestly knew he was the one. We had just known for awhile it was gonna be a forever thing. We saved each other from the doom that we wished to escape with each others' help. He was all I needed and wanted and so much more. On July 10th 2009, he proposed and I said yes! We told our parents after some slight reservations they agreed and knew it'd happen sooner or later, but assumed a little later than 9 months. SURPRISE!~ So as we decided what to do with our lives, we discussed the Army and what great benefits it would have for us and what to do about a wedding with the Army and no benefits. So surprise again, it became a six week wedding after only a month longer, we started planning on Aug 10th or so.

After we moved to Gresham by Mt Hood CC, we decided to start attending church at BSLC and see if that would be the right place for me to enter more seriously into Christianity and once we married I would be a member. After planning for six weeks, we had a cake from Fred Meyers, our colors were pronouced, Turquoise, White, Silver and Black and we had rings, table decorations, cheaper bridesmaid dresses, flowergirl dresses, we made by hand our invites and registered at Target, we had made programs the morning of and my dress had finally been finished along with getting all the men's suits and shoes and slacks and ties in order and in accordance, matching or how so. Everything was done, we had silk arrangements, we had a guest book and food, everything had turned out just perfectly. Our day arrived and well, go see the pictures or comment on your expereince if you were there:) i love you all.


So we finally did it! It happened for real, we are almost one month MARRIED!:) Mr and Mrs Spaulding~<3 wow. well so things are great, I have been really sick and now hubby is too:( weather is getting really cold, school is good although I might be behind a bit by now... I miss daddy and wish he were there for our big day. It was amazing- exactly how I had pictured my day all my life, except different colors, but in the end I loved it and it was all I wished and hoped it'd be. I think Sean really loved how everything turned out as well. Sean lost his job with Decaprio security after a case of fraud on the owners part, but because of it got a better job on site being a groundskeeper. better pay and benefits after 90 days:] things are good now, tight for awhile to catch up on bills and paying off bank debt but everything else is good. We still have Lexie, some days she is a pill and some days we love her like a daughter, but pets are like children, so treat them as such... she's our princess....<3 so i got my fairytale wedding after all and the happy ending:] thanks to all those who participated and wished us well for and after our wedding. we love you all thank you so very much!